My Blue Teddy Bear

A friend recently sent me a cartoon on my cell phone.  It was of Jesus down on one knee, holding a huge blue teddy bear behind his back, and a small child in front of Him saying, "But I really love it, God."  I admit, I didn't like it.  It made me upset.  It felt sort of mean of Him.

It is difficult enough to go through loss of any kind, without having to be spiritually mature enough to see (and graciously accept) that our Lord will sometimes take things from us that we dearly love and feel we need.

I shouldn't have disliked that cartoon.  Years ago, Holy Spirit showed me something very similar in a vision.  I'm older than dirt, so when I was little, we took cigar boxes to school to keep our pencils, eraser, and rulers in at our desks.  We also used them to keep small things that were precious to us, like a little treasure chest.  In this vision, I ran up to God the Father with my little box, all excited to show Him my small treasures.  He sat me on His lap and put one arm around me, and we began to go through my precious things one by one.  He would smile and exclaim over some, and be happy with me about them.  But some, like a random two-edged razor blade I'd found, He would gently pick up and say, "This isn't safe for you, daughter.  I'll keep this one."  And that vision made me feel secure, and protected, and it was ok with me.

But this little cartoon really got to me.  Our precious family friend, Lilly, just had to be put down, early on New Year's day, no less.  We are all deeply grieving her loss.  And our youngest daughter, who lives with us, is disabled by disease, and may not live out the years and wonderful life we have all expected for her.

So, I'm working on seizing the day, and cherishing the moments, when I am not too despondent or too filled with grief.  But if we listen and keep our spiritual eyes open, there are always encouragements, even in the darkest of times.  And I am learning to let go.

We have been blessed to have a fully furnished living room, which we use constantly as our family room, and have had a fully furnished "parlor" which I called the Morning Room.  This room was the one I intended to use for my personal, in-home art studio, after the Olde Towne Art Studio closed in December of 2012.  But somehow I had a very, very hard time letting go of the furniture and decor I had so lovingly collected to go together in that room.  I tried unsuccessfully to sell it several times, and couldn't bear the thought of giving it away.  But when I was finally ready and God knew He could speak to me about it, and I would listen and obey, I put a very small price on it and prayed for the right person/people to come get it.  It sold within days.

My best friend here came and helped me set up my new studio, and we prayed over it and blessed it and sanctified it to His glorious Presence and Use.  I have a station for doing watercolors and flat work; and one for sewing (or other flat work); and an easel set up for painting; my Mother's rocker for praying and reading in; and two storage units; as well as my 300-CD player for worship music.  I picked a variety of styles and subject matter from among my paintings for my students to see and for me to enjoy, and hung them all over the walls.  And the amount of money paid for the furniture I hadn't been able to let go of?  It is just the right amount to put French doors on my studio to keep this room sanctified for only its intended use.

So I was, after a long time of procrastination and stubborn resistence, able to let go of my Blue Teddy Bear and God gave me something so much better for me for this season of my life.  And isn't that the point?  What is the thing in your life that is symbolized by that bear?  Can you let Him have it, yet?